Sunday, March 30, 2008


People come in and out of our lives everyday, but there are those certain people that leave a mark on our soul. 
Some times we take for granted the wonderful people in our lives, sometimes they take us for granted either way we are still thankful for them. We can learn lessons from them and not even realize it. Some times they bring out the best in us and sometimes the worst. 
Even with everything that's going on with my Mom I am still thankful for the other good things I have in my life. I started getting into a depressed phase where I was taking everything else for granted. Life isn't fair and I will never understand why, why things happen for a reason, why we lose the people we love? Why bad things happen to good people? But I am going to try and think of all those positive things in my life because I do have a lot of things to be thankful for. 

For those of you that have stood by me and continue to stand by me through out all this I am so thankful to you, your are truly amazing and I am glad to have you in my life.  Thank you for having my family and I in your thoughts. 

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

tasting the forbidden fruit

You would think with everything going on you would step up? Think things over? Maybe even try to be a better person. The reason things happened was partly because of you, ok so I might not completely understand what your going through but you can't understand what I'm going through either.
How is it that I believe every word someone says to me? I know what I saw/ I know what happened yet you tell me a story of what happened and I believe you, no wonder I have trust issues, unfortunately I can't trust you until you prove yourself, I have so many times and 95% I have been burned so I'm done. Trust has to be EARNED. People just think its easier to lie, but does it really help? I would rather be told the truth up front no matter how bad it is then later found out I was lied to. I'm sick of always being the middle person, why can't you respect my feeling and thoughts, if I don't pick a side that should be a sign that I don't want to hear bad things about the the other.
Why pretend to be something that your not? Do you even know who you are? What about others feelings?

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Easter Sunday..

Today is Easter Sunday, although I don't celebrate it as its suppose to be celebrated, me being agnostic, I still enjoy it. Just the other day I was watching a home video of Cody and I waking up on Easter running up stairs to see what the Easter bunny had left us and finding the eggs. I loved and still loved all the fun things leading up to easter, dying easter eggs is one of my favorite things, as well as hiding/ looking for the eggs. The past 3 yrs Ryan and I have been in Hawaii and it just being the two of us we didn't really celebrate it (if he was home). This year we are home and we have Rayce, I dyed eggs with Nash & Gaites, I know my Mom would of if she wasn't in the hospital, which just reminds me of another holiday she is missing.
Rayce is still too little to understand what is going on but I had to get him a small easter basket, I also got Nash and Gaites on filled with candy. It seems every holiday has Candy Valentine's day= Candy, Easter=Candy, Halloween=Candy, Christmas= Candy. I love the holidays for the simple fact of being with the people I love most, family. And now that I have my own family I enjoy it even more. HAPPY EASTER!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008


Its only the middle of march and I have already had a crazy year. 

 was a slow-go, waiting on our orders to go back home (to Utah), I was excited to be going home but at the same time sad to leave behind the life I had started/ adjusted to. I had such a good job, the perfect one. I loved my coworkers, my boss, my job description, the money, the commute, everything.  I was also enjoy the beautiful weather (on most days) and the palm trees. So I was enjoying the last of it. 

Started off really good, we had a plan set up for going home, I had started getting things in order (doc appointments set up, bank accounts transferred, car information set, etc). Rayce was doing pretty good we had just started him on solids. Then February 7th my life changed forever, I can still remember my heart breaking when I found out about my mom. I dropped to the floor in tears, not knowing what to think of it, not knowing exactly what happened. I just wanted to rush to her and be there for her, it was killing me being 3,000 miles away! 
I booked a flight and we came back home, after not being home for 2 yrs it was hard. The first place we went was the hospital to see my mom. 
After being home a week it was time for us to fly back to Hawaii and get ready to move back, we FINALLY had our orders, I couldn't imagine going back to Hawaii and not be close to my mom for a week, so thankful Ryan went and did everything! He is such a wonderful husband.

I don't know how but its already been over a month and I still can't believe what's going on is really going on. Rayce has learned so much just in the last month, in Hawaii he was learning how to sit up on his own, he was doing pretty good with support. But normally he would just roll and roll and roll until he got where he wanted. The 2nd or 3rd week of being back home he amazed me, he somehow learned how to sit up on his own not just sit up but get into the sitting position on his own! I have no idea how he learned that, to be honest i had no idea how I was going to teach him that. A few days later he started doing a scoot thing, he had figured out how to move his knees forward but not his hands so he would end up falling over, then he started to move a little, he would crawl once rock back and fourth then sit up. I am so proud of him, I can't believe he is almost 7th months old already! He is even pulling himself up on things as well, man this kid is a fast learner! He has been so good with people too, it was his first time meeting most of the family. He just loves everyone and of course they adore him.  We are still trying to see everyone, you wouldn't believe how stressful it is, we are blessed to have so many people care for us.  Our 'homecoming plan' pretty much went out the window. I have never had so many emotions run through me. Stress being the biggest one. Not only did I have my mom to worry about but everyone wanting to see us, and then the family arguments about my mom. I try to just stay out of things but that never seems to work. They should respect my decision in NOT picking a side, I shouldn't have to in the first place. 
Thankfully I have been staying a strong positive person throughout this whole thing with my mom. Even when I hear discouraging things, I know my mom is an amazingly strong person and she will get through this it will just be a long road up ahead. I see so many changes in her everyday.